you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
