Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
