is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ladies don't puke and tell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
