Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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