at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
should my penis look like a turkey
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
