You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
