u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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