i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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