The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
