for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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