What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
