I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
