Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was like eating out sand paper
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
