is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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