I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had sex on a roof
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
