SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
