Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
