so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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