whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
