And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
