dude i'm inner monologue high
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
