I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
