My friends, they love my intelligence
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
