today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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