I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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