it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
