I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
