He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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