I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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