I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
