moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
