I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
