worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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