I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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