I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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