Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize