I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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