jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
