I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
