Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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