Sry I called you an 8
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
