yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
