C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
