yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
