I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize