Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
