There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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