Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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