weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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