The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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