Dual....:-)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize