WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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