I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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