I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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