I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
