Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
