Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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