yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
