no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
