I am in a vortex of obligation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
