Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
