just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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