He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
